mylordshesacactus posted this amazing story about his families Gay Pirate Plate. This is a wonderful and hilarious story so welcome to the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate:
Source: mylordshesacactus
(via: Premium Internet Curation)
Gay Pirate Plate Story
Okay, I’m willing to concede he’s gay (though I think we may be ascribing modern conventions to earlier times inappropriately) but what makes them think he’s a pirate?
pretty sure thats meant to be the scarlet Pimpernel but who am i so ruin their fun
Now I want to know the makers mark on the back and see if I can find my own.
You must not!! Oh no!! You must marry into the family to produce heirs through whom you shall live this dream
Looks more like a French fancy.
https://www.ebay.ie/itm/232740189520
I think it’s more likely a cheap knockoff of the plate in that listing. When such items were popular collectibles, it was common for knockoffs to be made. I have a couple of knockoff Royal Doulton figurines from my Gran.
The fancy plate has gold trim and different colours from the gay pirate plate. I honestly prefer the cheap one though!
I’m very impressed at the effort someone has gone to in order to advertise an eBay auction of what is, quite frankly, a badly painted gay pirate!
I say more stoned poet than gay pirate.
You speak as if the two categories are mutually exclusive.
You can by the look in his eyes that he’s daydreaming about sex with other gay pirates.
See, I’m now having visions of the far future where spaceships conduct raids on each other for the Gay Pirate Plate for reasons that are lost to the mists of time.
If this guy is in fact a pirate (in other words, if he was a real, live pirate) he must be absolutely THRILLED that his likeness is now itself the subject of piracy. He’s looking either down from heaven or up from hell with pride.
I sincerely hope you’re all still checking this post, because I wrote it up as an epic sea chantey. To the tune of: “Blow The Man Down”
I’ll tell you a tale of my family’s curse, t’me,
Mmmm mmmm, mmm mm-mm mmmm
To save you from spoilers, I’ve redacted this verse,
Mmm mmm mmm mmmm, mm mmm mm-mm mmmm.
My great aunt and grandmother had a cruel fate
Mmmm mmmm, mmm mm-mm mmmm
Each one would lay claim to this gay pirate plate,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
It pictured a pirate, all foppish and pale,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
A good solid nine on the old Kinsey scale,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
My gran and her sister each said it was theirs,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
And gently debated with knives and steel chairs,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
My granny would have it displayed in the hall, t’me,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
Her sister would swipe it for her bedroom wall,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
The thieving was something they’d never admit,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
For forty long years, we put up with this noise,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
Then her sister died, Granny gloated and rant -ed
Way hey, gay pirate plate
But then she died too, the house went to my aunt,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
Me, dad, and my sister stayed there and said nothin’,
Way hey, gay pirate plate,
And none of us looked at that porcelain Maguffin,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
It came time to leave, and, while out by the van,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
Without saying a word, we came up with a plan,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
I went back inside, saying I had to pee,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
And under my sweatshirt, that plate left with me,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
And now that dumb plate travels hither and yon,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
Whoever has got it keeps watch or it’s gone,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
It has to be stolen, not gifted nor shared,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
And then act indignant, like you really cared,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
(Key change)
So now my whole family’s trapped in the game,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
And if you come visit, you’ll end up the same,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
Be stealthy and sneaky, and with any luck,
Way hey, gay pirate plate,
With this worthless yet priceless tchotchke you’ll be stuck
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.
Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,
Way hey, gay pirate plate
Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,
Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.