This is some good advice on how to be less of a clueless white person. These are really simple tips that anyone can do without demanding people of color educate you. This also works for men trying to understand women, straight people trying to understand gay people, etc. Keep an open mind, listen, don’t be defensive or combative, and try it:
(via: Premium Internet Curation)
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The issue that I have is that as a straight white male I am told contantly that i’m not entitled to an opinion on ANY issue because as a Straight White Male I am what is wrong with the world
I don’t get to be a person with opinions because of my race and sex
Or maybe -hear me out – you can have any opinion you want on any topic. You can make your own platform and say anything. They are saying (if you want to be less clueless and more respectful) pay attention to WHERE you are giving your opinion. On someone else’s platform or in a conversation that is not about your experiences, maybe your opinion is no longer the only or most dominant one that needs to be heard.
I once had a person tell me I couldn’t have an opinion on a particular topic, and I tried to get clarification:
Did they mean that my their definition of the word, ‘opinion,’ my thoughts on the topic were not an opinion?
Or did they mean that I was not permitted to have an opinion on the topic – thereby policing my thoughts?
Having grown up religious, I have a strong aversion to the second meaning, and if the first meaningwas intended, I would require clarification on their definition of opinion.
I tried to ask for clarification, and I was not given any, and I they just got more upset with me.
I’ve learned in general not to ask activists for clarification on things that they say, and just do my best to guess what they mean when it’s not clear (and can’t find other information) because it just makes them angry.
Sometimes (often) questions have a reality beyond your intent. I am sure you can understand the difference between what you intend and how your words effect others. We’re responsible for managing our own feelings and education around this. In this case, no matter how innocently you ask whether you are allowed to have an opinion, what some people are going to hear is “I think you are wrongfully failing to continue to cede the attention you have painstakingly carved out for yourselves from among choruses of voices just like mine for centuries.” On an individual level, this reaction makes you feel like you’re being unfairly blamed. But on a societal level, others want you to take a turn being quiet and preserving space for perspectives that might be challenging for you. It’s not their job to make that easier for you, and asking the same questions that everyone else asks over and over is like treating them as though you are entitled to their attention and time when they have other things they need to say in that precious space. Clear up those questions for yourself. Expend your social capital to get those answers from people you have cultivated a give-and-take relationship with instead of expecting strangers to carry the load for you for free.
I’ve thought on this. I hear what you are saying about how it can seem frustrating, but I’m going to push back in regards to their role. If an activist is in a public space handing out flyers and expressing their views, or in an online forum, then informing and educating individuals is *exactly* their job. I worked as a mathematics tutor for about a decade. Every day that I worked, I was taking ideas that seemed clear and obvious to me, and conveying them as a clear understanding to people who had never encountered them before. I learned to speak very precisely, and through common questions, learned to taylor my explanations to avoid misunderstanding.
I’ve had a lot of experiences in my life where someone has given me an incomplete explanation or directive, I’ve done my best to fill in the gaps and act as precisely on what they say as possible, and I’ve learned that I’m doing exactly the wrong thing. So if someone says something confusing or unclear to me, I can try to guess at what they mean, but there’s know way to know for sure that what I’ve worked out in accurate.
So, I’m still in the position where I generally feel uncomfortable about activists, if they are presenting new information to me. My boundary is that if I’m told it’s wrong to ask questions, or if I’m shouted at, I’ll walk away. If they are presenting information I’m already familiar with, I’ll either give a thumbs up if I agree with what they are saying, or walk farther away if I disagree.
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Another detail – and this relates to speaking precisely. Activists often speak in absolutes. Many times in the past, I’ve taken this at face value, processed the information, and carried forth with it, only to later find out that there are indeed contingencies, and that I was doing wrong. If, however, I try to anticipate potential contingencies and ask for them to be addressed, this usually ends poorly. So, not being able to have those addressed, if an activist speaks in absolutes, I take that as a major red flag and make a quick exit.
I know I already posted a response to this, but I just saw a quote today, and it reminded me of this discussion, and kind of aligns with my argument. It’s by Huey P Newton, founder of the Black Panthers:
“I dissuade Party members from putting down people who do not understand. Even people who are unenlightened and seemingly bourgeois should be answered in a polite way. Things should be explained to them as fully as possible. I was turned off by a person who did not want to talk to me because I was not important enough. Maurice just wanted to preach to the converted, who already agreed with him. I try to be cordial, because that way you win people over. You cannot win them over by drawing the line of demarcation, saying you are on this side and I am on the other; that shows a lack of consciousness. After the Black Panther Party was formed, I nearly fell into this error. I could not understand why people were blind to what I saw so clearly. Then I realized that their understanding had to be developed.”
Dear white men. Your opinion comes from a place of privelage you have never had to deal with the things pic’s, lgbtws, women etc have had to deal with….. Never. You don’t understand, even if you think you do, cause you couldn’t possible empathise. Yo could possibly sympathise, but not empathize. You have always had the power over everyone. And why? What makes you better other than you’re light skinned and have a penis. Once you stop having an opinion and start standing up for people who are oppressed by your peers, then maybe your opinion will count for something to the other groups. Instead, you’re here in the comments getting mad that you were told you can’t do whatever tf you want all the time. It’s very clear you completely missed the point of the article.