So here’s a completely harmless idea for a little test you can do before getting to know someone on a date to see if it raises any red flags for you. This will not hurt anyone, and will not cause any inconvenience so it’s a perfectly innocuous way to see if someone will get angry at nothing or act like a control freak. And this way you may easily avoid a bad relationship, or at worst a dangerous situation. Some people may have even dodged bullets by accidently using this technique because it’s a situation that often just arises in real life. Here’s the very simple thing to do:
(via: Geek Girls)
And if you’re irrationally mad about this test to find out if you date has any red flags, you need to remember that dating is literally a compatibility test. The point of dating to to talk, ask each other questions, and get to know each other. If you start just planning the date by asking a simple question and the person is not responsive or hostile then it’s easy to just break it off there and not waste anyone’s time. Why would anyone want to date someone who is incapable of compromise? No one owes anyone their time.
“if you’re irrationally mad about this test to find out if you date has any red flags…then the post is about you.”
fixed it.
I recently did something similar. A chat on a dating site seemed to get nowhere. He brought up eating out and other social activities (without an invitation). I finally gave him the softball, “We seem to have a geographic issue,” and made the first move to bow out. His immediate reply was that “we did not have a geographic issue, he was only 20 minutes away. Whether or not we met was totally up to me.” Wow, did this hit me wrong! Glad I saw that one coming.
“He brought up eating out and other social activities”
Sounds like he wanted to date you, which is what dating apps are for?
Agreed, that’s not a good example of this test because it’s not ‘disagreeing about something minor’, or ‘having an unexplained preference’. It’s telling him ‘I don’t think you should have to drive 20 minutes to see me, and for that reason I’m not willing to meet you’… and the thing is, whether or not driving 20 minutes is an obstacle for the guy is HIS decision to make, not yours. Building an objection on the basis of not wanting to put HIM through something he doesn’t consider objectionable just comes off as disrespectful and borderline gaslighty
If she were to draw a line on a basis of something that is about HER, even if she doesn’t tell him what it is, that would put it back in the realm of this test. Even if it’s as simple as ‘Nah, I’m not feeling an in-person meeting right now.’
Overall, it just seems like Bonnie did not understand the assignment. The idea isn’t to invent a reason for the guy to argue against. It’s to say no without giving him the reason, and see if he fights you on it or tries to work with you respectfully. By deciding that the reason you can’t do the meetup is due to something entirely under his control, Bonnie created the expectation that the act of saying ‘no’ was seeking to control HIM, and any person would react negatively to someone making a decision that should be theirs FOR them.
I’m wondering what ‘other social activities’ he brought up without invitation, that made her want to back off.