@W_Asherah tweeted this insightful thread about how some men have a tendency to respond negatively to everything a women says. They do this by refuting, saying no, or just being generally negative to anything women tell them. And constantly putting up with this sexist and demoralizing behavior is bad for mental health. Most men who do it do so without even realizing they’re doing it. That’s why she’s been asking her male friends to pay attention to see if they’re inadvertently doing this. Even if it’s just all the little things like the examples she’s provided:
Source: @W_Asherah
(via: Outside Voice)
Wow. I never had someone put into words exactly what I deal with constantly with my husband. It’s always a debate. It’s always constantly anxiety. I tend to do a lot of things in secret just so I don’t have to have a debate with him. More than once I’ve had to buy the thing or change a thing and later he loves it and I just have to quietly pretend it was his idea all along.
You’ve all hooked up with the wrong men. I am 100% supportive of all the women in my life. Maybe that’s why I have so many wonderful women friends. It kinda bums me out that I’m getting lumped is with a bunch of bums, but sadly you know no better.
Bill, you just reinforced the exact idea behind this. Refuted, blamed, and then essentially called women who experience this dumb (“don’t know any better”).
Do some self-introspection…or don’t. Your choice. If you truly believe it isn’t about you, then *it isn’t about you* and your comment isn’t necessary… either empathize or move along.
I’m sorry, Bill, but the correct answer is, “I didn’t realize I was doing this, but now that I’m conscious of it, I will try to do better.” As a parting gift, you will receive a free subscription to The Hidden Brain podcast by Shankar Vedantam.
But seriously, guys, we need to be better and we need to teach our sons early. I know I’m guilty of doing this unconsciously, but I continue to try to be more aware of the things I am about to say.
So wait…men who deny doing this, are proving the point because by denying it, they’re doing it?
So it’s unfalsifiable.
I notice something consistent about Geek Girls this way: Men can’t do anything right. Every situation that’s laid out, there’s no “right” answer for the men to pick. Here’s a wild idea: Maybe the men can sense that. The conflict comes from that.
It’s a Geek Girls problem. No question.
Funny because I had an situation like this with my bf a couple weeks ago about moving in with me (he already pays half the rent but doesn’t live at the house). He resisted and when I inquired why it was some stupid reson like I don’t want to move my stuff. So I provided solutions and compromises. He has family he can ask (I didn’t. I had to pay to have my stuff moved) but I still offered to pay to have his stuff moved. Even after that he kept resting. So I asked if he hated the place because if he did I would never let him live there. He said no to which I was confused. He doesn’t hate the place, he doesn’t hate the idea of living with me (we were living together priorto me getting this place), he will save a lot of effort having to go to my place several times a week. So I couldn’t understand why and honestly felt hurt about it. So I blocked him and gave him and myself time to reflect on that. I honestly was considering ending things because the whole situation was crazy and unnecessarily stressful. After a day I unblocked him and told him in detail how the interaction made me feel and that because of it I wasn’t sure about our relationship. Apparently shortly after I blocked him he miraculously changed his mind and was okay with moving in with me. I told him I didn’t want him to move in anymore because honestly the thought of having to deal with that everyday was exhausting. Since then he has been a bit more open to what I have to say and doesn’t put up much of a fight about things.