Writer, therapist, and educator Josh Weed tweeted this helpful thread about how we should stop pushing kids with ADHD the way we push neurotypical kids. Please stop telling neurodivergent children that they “have so much potential”. Because the (usually) unspoken bit that follows it is, “that you aren’t living up to”. This can be very traumatic. Here is the thread:
Source: Josh Weed
(via: Rina Inverse)
Speaking as someone with ADHD, that’s what meds are for. Those and some patience on the part of the adults, works out fine.
Meds and patience help, but are there strategies that can help?
Meds might work, they might work for a couple hours at most (mine). HOPING to read the strategies hinted at here…both for myself and my honors student in Physics who is struggling despite a ton of talent and high work ethic.
Being dismissed as a one pill problem is kinda missing the authors ENTIRE point…the rest of us aren’t having a good time trying to cope with ADHD…though I genuinely am glad that you aren’t experiencing the same difficulties. Wanna rise up together, not climb / stand over each other.
I’m here right now with my daughter. What are better options? How can I help?
😀 personally, ADHD Alien comics and Dani Donovan have taught me a lot about ADHD and given me a lot of good methods. i will never stop recommending them 🙂 keep the open mindset its good
also counseling? best thing ever invented, has helped me so much in the past and continues to help to this day. definitely talk to a doctor or psychologist who has worked with/studied ADHD thoroughly, (if they also have ADHD, even better!) they usually have useful tips.
take lots of breaks, get plenty of exercise, and get enough sleep are my top tips. my doctor, therapist, and family all swear by them and frankly so do i, if i skimp on one of these i usually end up in a burnt out meltdown :(. definitely learn your limits and set firm boundaries
involving family in this is a really great way to make sure you can get all these things. if you have a sibling/child/family member whos ADHD help them set routines and boundaries, and remind them to get exercise frequently! when im really frustrated over an assignment, my siblings will invite me to walk the dog with them, or go skateboard, or even just tell me to go touch dirt lol, and when i come back i always feel 1000x better, so that’s a way you can help.
idk these are jsut ways me and my family have made my life better and easier. try lots of things and see what works for you! 😀
Interesting that none of the commenters seem to understand the text. Stop trying to fix yourself or your child/student. They are fine as they are.
Help them find their passion and let them go be messy.
EXACTLY
do give them support and structure tho ive almost given up on my passions time and again because i burned out from not having structure and settign boundaries
If they’re not confused (because sometimes they know EXACTLY what is happening) they’ll grow up angry instead.
that is absolutely true, i have a deep seated world destroying rage over this exact phenomenon because growing up part of me knew “this isnt my fault. i cant help it. im trying as hard as i can, i care more than anyone else does.” and sometimes i go freaking dragon mode on people because they unknowingly triggered that rage. its not their fault, and i dont really think its mine either. its that how adhd truly affects people isnt widespread knowledge, and is still in 2024 incredibly underdiagnosed.
speaking as someone who grew up hearing and believing all these things (and is currently in high school, still fighting the thoughts) getting my diagnosis, realizing that it actually WASNT my fault, that i had been doing my best in a world not designed for me… was incredibly freeing. I remember euphoria at the realization that i wasnt “choosing to forget” and that the problem wasnt that i “just didnt care enough to remember”.
heres the biggest thing tho: all the timers and planners and meds in the world, will not make an adhd person able to function at the same level as a neurotypical. I spent so long thinking that another planner, setting timers, making routines, higher dosages would “fix” me. but that’s not how it works. all these things simply help me function better. yes, i did need a higher medication dosage, that was actually a thing. yes, planners and timers help. but that’s all they do 🙂 they dont “fix” anything, because there isnt anything that needs to be fixed, this world just wasnt designed for us.
with that said, ive found that a big thing that helps me is knowing my limits. going outside for some exercise when im frustrated and cant focus, instead of pushing myself harder because i “should” be able to do this (the shoulds are the worst, and completely unrealistic, DO NOT SHOULD YOURSELF OK) that has kept me from burnout many times. even just taking a five minute break to drink some water, eat a snack, go watch some tiktoks (timer necessary) is a lifesaver.
you arent broken, you are just functioning on lower amounts of dopamine (or spoons) than everyone else, and that makes everything in life harder.
(some good resources with methods that have helped me are Dani Donovan’s videos and her website, and ADHD Alien’s comics.)
So many people on here touting meds.
Sorry, they don’t always work, and they don’t treat all the symptoms.
And they have *side effects* that can be terrible.
And they can be EXPENSIVE. Is your mental health worth $50/day?
What sorts of side effects?
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was around 5… 38 years ago. they put me on Ritalin (methylphenidate). Setting aside the potential for liver damage, Ritalin put me in a depression. An *actual* depression. For 15 ******* years of my life. I only figured it out later, when I went off medicine in college (a mistake), went through a few terrible break-ups, and ended up depressed as a result. When I took Ritalin again later, I immediately recognized the feeling, but now I had a name for it. I was depressed most of my life.
So I tried new drugs. One suppressed my appetite so much, I lost around 15 pounds in a month. I was already underweight. Another gave me ED. Another made me dizzy.
It’s only by the grace of God that I was able to find a medicine that works and has no side effects… and without insurance (and insurance doesn’t always cover it), it’s $50/day. The company is fighting hard to prevent generic brands from coming out and that is hurting us.
Turns out, the depression I’d felt on the medicine was *severe* depression, and I’ve had normal depression my entire life… it’s very common with ADHD. I need different meds for that. And therapy helps. And regularly working out.
But the problem is, we live in a neurotypical world that doesn’t understand. My medicine is “controlled” so I *have* to call my doctor every 30 days to renew it and hope there’s not a gap… you can’t renew it or get more. But that’s asking someone with a memory problem to remember something in order to help the memory problem. It’s a catch-22.
What works best for me are meds, support, flexibility, and positive reinforcement. As an adult with ADHD I feel like I spend all my time trying to ‘train’ myself to do all the things I’m supposed to do. I might adopt a really good method for a while and then completely lose focus. Support systems help maintain that, but anything I do has to be flexible. To do lists work better than schedules, and operant behavioral training seems to have positive effects on me, but any of these things without the others will inevitably fail. Building yourself up is a long and arduous task. On the subject of meds, ND people need to be very careful. The darkest part of the ND journey is misdiagnosis and medical gaslighting. Many antidepressants seem to have negative effects on ND people, as well as completely failing to treat the root of the issue. The medical industry is very reliant on prescribing medicines to solve problems, and it’s a very “one size fits all” standard, with a high reluctance to overturn previous diagnosis. Bipolar disorder is also disproportionately misdiagnosed in females. Medicines commonly used to treat bipolar often cause the worst kinds of side effects in ND individuals.
I also call that the snowball effect of trauma. Once an individual has been traumatized in one way, it is likely to interfere with their daily lives, causing them to experience new trauma, essentially going through life racking up more and more mental damage, the way an avalanche collects snow.