Comic artist Surkea illustrations drew up this simple guide to when it is ok to use someone’s deadname. In case you’re not familiar with the term, deadnaming is the use of the birth or other former name of a transgender or non-binary person without the person’s consent. Deadnaming may be accidental; however, it may also be used to intentionally dismiss, deny or reject a person’s gender identity.
Artist: Surkea illustrations
(via: Trans Army)
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I disagree SLIGHTLY. The only time it’s ok to deadname someone is if it’s not safe to use their true name. But always check with them first. My cousin was one of the first family members I came out to, she asked what she should call me in front of the rest of my family until I was ready to tell the rest.
I’d add where it’s still their legal name and you are required to give their legal name or it is in their vital interest to give it (e.g. medical records in a medical emergency where you might be saying something like “Her medical records are still under Kevin, but she goes by Tina now”).
Yup, both of these are valid, my sister used my deadname with the rest of the family until I was out – and my partner used it when legal/medical situations required it prior to my legal name change.
A quick “I’m sorry I had to use your deadname there” afterwards is always nice too, just reassuring you only used it when necessary 🙂