4 thoughts on “Why Superman’s Secret Identity Clark Kent Works So Well”

  2. “your secret’s safe with me, brother”
    Clark spends the next week trying to figure out which superhero Luis from the copyroom is, before he figures it out.

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  3. Alternatively, they all KNOW he’s Superman… and knowing and shutting your mouth about it is actually a condition of making it past your first month of employment at the Daily Planet. Can you imagine the conversation in Perry White’s office with the noob?

    New Reporter: Sir, I have a story I’ve uncovered that I was needing your insight on. Is there any chance that we could have a chat? In private?

    Perry White: Sure thing; this way, kid. [Escorts him/her to his soundproofed office.]

    [‘Kid’ then unfurls all they’ve figured out over a half-hour or so of extensive evidentiary displays, then waits for Perry White’s reaction.]

    PW: Pass.

    NR: [nonplussed] What?

    PW: You get a passing grade. Now we’re gonna find out what you’ll do with it.

    NR: [shocked] You mean… you KNEW?!

    PW: [tiredly] Kid, this newspaper employs some of the finest investigative journalists on the planet; I see to that personally. Used to be such myself before I took over this place. Now, at what point did you come to the conclusion that a single person in this office couldn’t see absolutely everything you’ve just spelled out to me in this room? Of course we did; every last one of us. And that gives us some choices: reveal it to the world, or let it lie.

    If we reveal it, we ruin Clark’s chance for a peaceful life, and estrange a man whose special skills ensure not only that we get some top-grade scoops, but also some of the lowest insurance premiums on the planet. Or, let the guy do a workaday job as cover, pay him a healthy salary, and ensure that his secret never gets out. In which case, we can all be sure that if anything bad happens here, it’s only because something much worse was happening somewhere else and he couldn’t be in two places at once.

    NR: You mean, the insurance companies know as well?!

    PW: Of course not; not officially. But think, kid: they crunch numbers. And this building has an incredibly high incidence of serious events coming to nothing for a random skyscraper in the heart of Metropolis. I’m sure there are quite a few in the insurance industry who’ve got a good guess as to why.

    NR: [uncertainly] So, everyone in here, and in the insurance industry, just goes along with it? EVERYBODY? No-one wants to pull the scoop? I mean, hell, you’d pull the Pulitzer at least for unveiling a scoop like that! It could make your career!

    PW: It could indeed… if anyone believed you.

    NR: [stunned] Sir?

    PW: [Sighs] News, kid, is a powerful thing. It can trigger or stop wars; it can overthrow Presidents. It can leave the public scrambling in a panic or hugging their kids in the streets and thanking their lucky stars that it didn’t happen to them. It can make the maddest argument seem sensible… and the sanest man or woman out there appear to be a lunatic. Oh it can certainly make a career; but it can break one too, and so badly the person will never have another job so long as they live.

    I don’t like ruining lives; but I’ve certainly done it, in order to ensure that worthier lives didn’t suffer for someone else’s blatant grandstanding and blind ambition. Of course, none of them worked here… after the fact, at least. So kid – what do you think I’m gonna advise you to do with that story of yours?

    NR: [gulping] Consider it buried, sir.

    PW: [smiling] And with brains like that, kid, I think you’re in for a long and rewarding career with us here at the Daily Planet. Welcome aboard.

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